Gale's last call
by raggedybluebox
Summary: It isn't in Katniss' nature to forgive. But this time is different: this time is for Primm. Sad, so if you don't like sad, don't read!


'Is Gale there?' I whispered.

'Excuse me?'

I cleared my throat. My stomach felt like I'd just swallowed a bucket of dry ice. 'I was wondering if I could speak to Gale Hawthorne.'

'And who is this?' The District Two woman's clipped tones hurt my ears.

'An old…' What were we now? It'd been ten years. Enemies? Ex-acquaintances? Strangers? 'An old friend.'

The woman laughed cruelly. 'Hon, we get that all the time. Mr Hawthorne doesn't have time to answer to all his fans-'

'It's Katniss Everdeen,' I interrupted briskly.

Her dead silence was not a good sign.

'K-K-Katniss? I mean Miss Everdeen?' the woman spluttered. 'I…erm…what a surprise.'

'Tell him it's urgent,' I blurted. 'It's life or death.'

'I'll see if he's available.'

There was a scuffle on the other end of the line. And then I heard it. A sound I'd never forget.

Gale's breathing was deep and soft on the other end of the phone.

'Gale,' I croaked, my voice hoarse with emotion.

He didn't answer for what seemed like forever. Then he whispered, 'Catnip.' And in that moment he'd never sounded so frightened, so wounded.

'Gale I…' I'd not even tried to plan what to say to him. I'd not even thought he'd pick up, but I'd never been good at conversations anyway. Eventually I just breathed, 'I miss you.'

'Life or death, hmm?' he said harshly, apparently forgetting his moment of weakness. 'I'm busy. Thanks for calling.'

'DON'T HANG UP!' I yelled, tears dripping down my face. 'You have no right to hang up, Gale Hawthorne.'

That appeared to stop him in his tracks. He stayed silent for a while. We both did – we both just stood there, in our different districts, breathing into the crackle of the line. My eyes were spiked with salt water and I was trying to stop from sobbing out loud.

'I forgive you,' I choked. 'Primm's gone. But I forgive you, Gale.'

No reaction. Not a word. Perhaps he was waiting with bated breath for some sort of explanation; perhaps he just didn't care.

'She'd want me to forgive you,' I said, so softly I could barely hear myself. 'So I do. I forgive you. That's all.'

'You're a liar.' Gale's voice cracked. 'You don't forgive. You don't forgive anyone. You didn't forgive Snow. You didn't forgive Coin.'

'Coin and Snow are dead,' I spat. 'And dammit Gale, everyone knows you're different to them. You didn't mean to kill her!' I almost felt like I was betraying Primm by saying this, but this was what she'd want me to say. She'd want us to stay together. To look after each other. To forgive each other.

'Would I be better dead?'

'No,' I said dejectedly. 'No of course not.'

'I think I would, Katniss,' he said darkly. 'From your perspective anyway.'

I felt my shoulders cave in on one another under the pain of his words. 'I want to forgive you.'

'Well don't,' he said bitterly. 'It's not worth it. Because I haven't forgiven you.'

The sting of that final statement blistered my heart. 'Gale…'

'And let's face it, Katniss.' From the anguish in his voice, I could almost see his tears streaming. 'I don't deserve your forgiveness. You think you're doing what she'd want you to do, but really you're just trying to relieve your own guilt. If I'm responsible for the death of your sister, then we have nothing to say to one another. We haven't got each other's backs anymore. We're not partners, and we're not lovers, and we're not friends.'

I felt my legs go from beneath me and collapsed on the floor, because he speaks the truth. He's always known me and our relationship better than I have. And this phone call was just one last effort. To make things right or accept reality. And it was time to accept reality.

We were both sobbing now. I could hear his rasping breaths, my cries. We'd both lost something we'd never get back.

'I still love you, Gale.' The words were out before I found a reason to stop them.

I knew he'd be biting back a pile of different responses. The seconds seemed to drag until he took a clear, shaky breath. 'You have no idea how much you mean to me, Katniss. You never have. But it's like I said. We haven't got each other's backs anymore. We haven't got anything.'

I steeled myself for the inevitable. 'Then this is goodbye.'

In my head, I imagined a ghost of Gale's smile. 'Let's face it, Katniss. The odds were never in my favour. Take care of yourself, alright? I've got to go – live show tonight.'

I smile through the tears. 'I'll see you on the screen.'

'Maybe. But I don't think you'll be watching. Goodbye, Katniss.'

And then it was over. That connection between us severed forever. _That_ was goodbye – and the last I heard of the man who always had my back.

He was right in the end. I can't bear to watch his programs. I try and convince myself that he's happier without me. Real or not real: Gale will forget about me; one day he'll truly move on and I'll never cross his mind again, never be in his dreams, never hurt his heart, never be his life's one regret.

Not real. Not real.


End file.
